Campaign Cocktails for Debate Drinking

Ladies and gentlemen, Election Season 2012 is underway, and the first Presidential Debate is airing on Wednesday, October 3. Whether you’re a committed party member or just a committed partier, the Presidential Debates can provide loads of information—and, often unintentionally, loads of laughter.

Whether you’re genuinely interested in what the candidates have to say or if you’re just in it to play a few drinking games (remember “Palin Bingo?”), here are three cocktails that everybody can agree on: For the Lefty, the ALObama Slammer; for the Righty, the Mitt-tini; and for the Swing Voter, the Singapore Mudsling.


The ALObama Slammer

The traditional Alabama Slammer is made with Amaretto, Southern Comfort, and Orange Juice. In this version, we substitute Peach Lambic beer for the peach-flavored Southern Comfort, because we know our President likes his beer. This recipe serves two, because when it comes to good beer, it’s always nice to share your wealth.

2 shots amaretto
Orange juice
1 750 mL bottle Lindeman’s Peach Lambic

Divide the amaretto between two pint glasses. Add a splash of orange juice to each, and fill each glass with the Peach Lambic beer.



The Mitt-tini

Sometimes a candidate has to abandon ideals to appeal to his/her base, so this martini features a few things that your typical Mormon would frown upon, but on top is a float of Goldschlager, which contains flakes of gold. This recipe serves one—if someone else wants a sip, just say, “You didn’t build that!”

1 oz. vodka
½ t. cocoa powder
2 oz. Kahlua
1 oz. goldschlager

Combine the vodka, cocoa powder, and Kahlua in a shaker with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Pouring slowly and carefully over the back of a spoon, “float” the goldschlager atop the mixed drink so that you can see the gold flakes.


The Singapore Mudsling

This drink is for the person who can’t take the back-and-forth blame game or the mudslinging. Sometimes, all the lying and the finger-pointing and the half-truths will drive you to drink! This cross between a Singapore Sling and a Mudslide will do the trick. It serves two, and I must warn you that it’s deceptive strength may sneak up on you, so make sure you don’t drink too many and sleep through Election Day!

1 oz. dry gin
2 oz. pineapple juice
2 oz. coconut coffee creamer (SoDelicious is my favorite brand)
2 oz. Kahlua
1 oz. brandy from brandy-soaked cherries
4 brandy-soaked cherries
1 t. cocoa powder
Squeeze lime juice
Handful ice cubes
Lime wedges, to garnish
Sprinkle cocoa powder, to garnish

Blend all ingredients except the lime wedges in a blender—the drink will foam a bit, so pour immediately. Serve in margarita glasses, garnished with a lime wedge and a sprinkle of cocoa powder atop the foam.

Letter From My Liver

This post was originally published in my bi-weekly editorial column in my college's newspaper, October 2004.  It has been modified from its original version. 

Young Lady, we have to talk. I’ve been good to you over the years, have I not? But ask yourself the same thing—have you been good to me? The answer? Sadly, no.

For the first part of my employment, you were great to work for. I got stuff like Campbell ’s soup, pizza, and ice cream. Once in a while you’d make me work by throwing in a little Children’s Tylenol, but I could handle that. Then you went to college.

Kegs & Eggs, drinking games, frat parties, spring breaks, quarter drafts night (luckily for me, you live in Boston, where there is no such thing as quarter drafts night). The point is that you abuse me. Don’t federal labor laws state that employers are required to give a half hour break for every eight hours of work? Where was my break over Springfest? And what about coughing up some overtime pay?

You haven’t caught on that when someone says, “I bet you can’t chug faster than me,” it’s not because they think you can’t chug, it’s because they want to see you do it. And what about those nights out with the “SoCo Girls?” You’re lucky I didn’t force that Southern Comfort back up north and out your mouth.

Flip cup—fun for you, hell for me. Yeah, your team was the reigning champion eight times in a row, and I understand that this made you happy. You couldn’t have just basked in your glory though…you had to play several more rounds. You tried to justify this using feminism, claiming that no one should have underestimated an all-girl Flip Cup team. But I still hate you.

And then there’s Canada . I know you think that our neighbors to the north produce the world’s finest cheap lager, but Labatt and Molson (and at some locations, even Moosehead!) are sold in the United States, meaning that there is absolutely no reason that anyone 21 or over should be traveling to another country for the sole purpose of drinking.

Sure—dancing on tables and standing around in circles incoherently shouting the lyrics to “Sweet Caroline” and “Livin’ on a Prayer” is fun and acceptable now, but after this year, you can’t do that stuff anymore. Well, you could, but not without losing every trace of respect you ever earned. 

You college kids are in transition. You work, you study, you pay rent, and you’re independent from your parents, but society still allows you the right to act like childish idiots whenever you’re in close proximity to a beer ball. Have you ever seen anyone funnel a beer or do a keg stand at an office party? I didn’t think so. You know why? Because upon graduation, people are officially considered to be grown-ups. 

Every office has That Guy—you know, the one who drinks too much at the Christmas party and starts telling dirty jokes, eventually puking in a potted plant before his colleagues wrestle his keys away and call him a cab—but do you really want to be That Guy? 

Sweetie, I know you. You always complain about “wanting to get this crap over with and finally have a real job,” but honey, by the time you’re 30, you’ll be longing for the days when you lived with five other people and invited 200 strangers into your home every weekend to drink cheap beer out of plastic cups. Don’t even think about pulling an “Old School” though.

Since you only have a short time left as an undergrad, I’m offering you the opportunity to make a pact with me—live it up until graduation, but after that, know your role, grow up, and give me a friggin’ break! Too many people’s livers never make this offer—these people keep acting like idiots and drinking like it’s going out of style. You know what happens? Those livers start failing. So spread the word to your classmates—it’s OK to act like a reject and destroy your body if you’re in college, but once you get a real job, it’s time to settle down (at least in terms of partying) and start behaving like the rest of productive adult society. With that, I advise you to give my offer some serious consideration.

On a final note, I will uphold my end of the offer on a conditional basis. Remember your post-LSAT celebration (if you don’t, ask any one of the people you asked 15 or more times if they had any tattoos)? Do you recall going from wine to beer, then to gin, and back to beer? One more stunt like that, and the deal is off and I quit.

           

Sincerely,

                       

Your Liver

Bacon, Butter, Booze, and...Babies?!?

Yup, you read that right. I took a few days off from cooking and writing in order to visit the newest leaves on my family tree - my cousin's beautiful twin boys.


Once I figured out that you can't
hold a baby like a sack of flour...

It's incredible - caring for babies uses a skill set that I just don't have.  Well, maybe that's not true - swaddling is very similar to filling a burrito - but those little dudes aren't impressed by a perfectly seared scallop or a flawlessly executed filet mignon.  They just want boobs and dry diapers!  So I learned how to hold the babies, change diapers, and I even made them smile by singing a few Sinatra songs!  I can't wait until they're a bit older - I'm looking forward to experimenting with baby food, cookies shaped like puppies and dinosaurs, and other kid-friendly favorites. 

Despite the fact that I spent more time in the nursery than I did in the kitchen this week, I did create something new - a great sauce for a pork tenderloin that my aunt cooked on the grill.  The sauce was based on butter, beer, and HP Sauce, a bottled condiment popular in the UK.  My family and I first discovered HP Sauce at Buffalo, NY's annual Scottish festival - most of the food vendors kept bottles of HP Sauce at their stalls, and the condiment carts were fully stocked with pumps of HP Sauce and little paper cups, much like how we serve ketchup and mustard with burgers and hot dogs.  Once we tried this stuff, we began putting it on everything - and I mean everything.  "The fries are really good with this HP Sauce, I'm gonna put it on the fish."  "Its good on the fish, I wonder what else we can put it on?"  "Do you think the McEwan's would taste good with HP Sauce in it?" "Can I just get a bowl of HP and a spoon?"  OK, I'm exaggerating, but the stuff is pretty darn good. 

In addition to the wonderful food we ate at home, I also filled up on a few Buffalo specialties - a chicken finger sub from Jim's Steak Out, tacos from Mighty Taco, Flying Bison's Blizzard Bock, Beef on Weck (a/k/a hot roast beef on kimmelweck, a roll topped with flake salt and caraway seeds), Labatt Blue from the tap, and of course, chicken wings.  Buffalo may not have the greatest reputation, but I dare you to go there and leave hungry and unsatisfied.  It will not happen. 

Once my plane touched down in Boston, I was glad to be back home among the city lights and the sounds of the urban jungle I call home, but I missed my cousin, my aunt & uncle, and the little guys.  I needed to get back into the kitchen to distract myself, so I made a great grown-up dish:  wine-poached pears with gorgonzola and chestnut honey.  My roommate recently bought a bottle of sweet shiraz and didn't like the flavor, so instead of letting it go to waste, I decided to use it in a recipe.  The pungent flavor of the gorgonzola and the bittersweet chestnut honey really complement the sweetness of the fruit! 


HP & Beer Butter Sauce

1/2 stick butter
a few raw onion rings
1/4 c. HP Sauce
1/2 c. full-bodied beer
1 t. cornstarch
1 T. cold water
dusting of cinnamon
a few generous grinds black pepper
salt to taste

Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat.  Once it is completely melted, add the onion.  Saute until the butter begins to foam and become fragrant.  Remove the onion rings.  Add the HP sauce and the beer, then whisk until completely blended.  Lower the heat to simmer.

In a small bowl, whisk the cornstarch and the cold water together.  Add to the sauce, whisking quickly and constantly, until the sauce begins to thicken a bit.  Add the slightest dusting of cinnamon, a few grinds of black pepper, and salt, if necessary.  Serve over grilled pork. 



Wine-Poached Pears with Gorgonzola and Chestnut Honey

1 bottle red wine
5 whole cloves
1/2 t. anise seeds, crushed*
1/2 t. cardamom seeds, crushed*
1/2 t. fennel seeds, crushed*
4 ripe pears, peeled
1-2 t. sugar (optional)
slices of gorgonzola cheese
chestnut honey

Combine everything but the pears in a saucepan large enough to hold the wine and the pears.  Bring to a rapid boil.  Add the pears, then reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 20-25 minutes.

Once the pears have simmered, remove them with a slotted spoon and set aside.  Turn the heat up to high, bring to a boil (uncovered), and boil until the sauce is reduced by about half.  Taste the sauce - you may want to add a pinch of sugar, but this is not necessary. 

Remove the sauce from heat, then return the pears to the sauce.  Let cool to room temperature.  Once the pears have cooled, slice the pears lengthwise.  Arrange on a plate, alternating with slices of gorgonzola cheese.  Drizzle the cheese with a few drops of chestnut honey. 

* To crush the seeds, give them a quick grind with a mortar & pestle, or simply use two spoons to squish them. 

** The leftover poaching wine would be a great dip for biscotti or another semi-sweet cookie.

Ingredient Spotlight - Soft-Shell Crabs

Soft-shell crabs.  I’ve read about them, I’ve seen them, but until my last trip to my mom’s, I never tried them.  To tell you the truth, I had no idea where to start, and I found the whole concept confusing.  “Wait – it’s a crustacean, but the shell is soft?  How do I eat it?  Is it crunchy, or is it soft?  Do I eat the whole thing, or just the legs, like regular-shell crab?  Why must they look like freaky, mutated spider sci-fi creatures?!?  BAAAHHH I GIVE UP!” …and that is the mental conversation I had with myself every time I considered buying and trying soft-shell crabs. 

Soft-shell crabs are nothing more than crabs that have shed their old shells and whose new shells are still soft…hence the name “soft-shell crabs.”  Kinda self-explanatory, eh?  What isn’t self-explanatory is how to cook and eat them, so here’s the 411.  Eating them is easy; you devour the whole thing, shell, legs, body…the whole thing.  It may seem weird to eat the shell, but it’s similar to cheese in that soft cheeses are eaten as-is, while hard cheeses have a tough rind that needs to be cut away.  Same deal with crabs, apparently.  Cooking them is also a snap, just make sure to use a direct heat method or else they won’t get crunchy (click here for a very informative article).  If, like me, you are clueless about how to prepare them for cooking, it’s simple – have your fishmonger do it for you.  That’s what I did.  However, it’s not difficult – if you insist on cleaning them yourself, click here for easy-to-follow instructions! 

Truth be told, although the websites listed above and cookbooks everywhere claim that soft-shell crabs are easy to prepare and cook, I didn’t have the confidence to give it a shot until I was at my mom’s.  I’ve never handled failure very well, and maybe this is ridiculous, but I would have been very disappointed if I tried to cook them and the end result sucked.  I probably would have cried.  Combine my fear of failure with the fact that I’d feel awful that an animal died of unnatural causes just to have me desecrate it by turning it into a shitty dish, and you’ve got a recipe for culinary paralysis.  Honestly, I think I got a much needed confidence boost by tackling a cooking challenge in the company of someone who has had my back since I was an embryo.

I didn’t even comprehend the emotional aspect of my hesitation to cook soft-shell crabs until I sat down to write this post and asked myself, “How am I going to explain to my readers that I waited so long to try something?”  Sure, there’s tons of foods I haven’t tried, but this is the first situation where I’ve had access to an ingredient and shied away because I was afraid I’d f*** it up.  Guess what?  I didn’t.  The crabs were incredible, and if they weren’t so delicious and crunchy and absolutely perfect when paired with a cold IPA, I may have taken a moment to open up a can of whoop-ass on myself as penance for wussing out. 

Since I was a teenager, the advice I’ve given has always taken the form of a line from a Red Hot Chili Peppers song – “It’s better to regret something you did than something you didn’t do.”  Take this advice, especially when you’re in the kitchen or at the market.  If you want to try something, try it.  If a recipe looks complicated, conquer it.  If you don’t know what to do with an ingredient, research it.  Ask a fishmonger, a butcher, a farmer, a chef, or a friend who has an unhealthy obsession with “weird” food.  Just try it.  If you hear your little inner Yoda mumbling about “Do or do not, there is no try,” kick him to the curb.  Do try…and don’t forget to add butter. 

Soft-Shell Crabs in Beer Butter

This recipe will serve one.  If you're cooking for guests, simply multiply the proportions by the number of people you’re serving.

2 soft shell crabs

Rice flour, lightly seasoned with old bay*

¼ stick butter
1 T. minced red onion

¼ c. IPA-style beer

Salt and finely ground pepper, to taste

Lemon wedges, to serve

Rinse the crabs in cold water and pat dry with a kitchen towel.  They will still remain moist, but you don’t want them dripping.  Dredge them in the seasoned rice flour.

Melt the butter in a large, heavy-bottomed frying pan over medium heat.  Place the floured crabs in the pan and fry 2-3 minutes per side, or until they have turned red (hint: sometimes they tend to “pop” and splatter as their natural juices are released into the hot butter – you may want to invest in a mesh splatter screen).  Once the crabs are cooked, lift them from the pan with a spatula and set them aside on a plate. 

Lower the heat under the frying pan and lift the pan from the heat source for about 20 seconds.  Place it back on the burner and add the onion.  Cook for a minute or two, then add the beer, salt and pepper to the pan.  Whisk the beer into the butter, scraping up any browned bits on the bottom of the pan.  Pour this sauce over the crabs, then eat them and wash them down with an ice-cold beer.    

* You can use regular wheat flour if you'd like, but rice flour delivers a better crunch and is gluten-free.

Around the World in Eighty Bites - Japan

In trying to capture the spirit of my “Around the World in 80 Bites” project, I decided to vicariously visit Japan.  Japan’s two most famous foods are sushi and teriyaki, but these tend to be overdone.  I do plan to write about sushi at some point, but for now, I wanted to make something that isn’t on the menu at every Japanese steakhouse in the country. 

Like most countries where culinary traditions are an enormous part of its cultural identity, the Japanese prefer to use the freshest ingredients possible, which means that local ingredients play starring roles in the cuisine.  Japanese preparation embraces minimalism and purity of individual flavors.  Unlike other Asian cuisines, such as Thai and Chinese, the Japanese don’t typically blend ingredients, but tend to focus on one ingredient at a time, using condiments served on the side as the glue that binds the meal together.  This dinner of lightly seasoned fresh tuna and steamed pumpkin adheres to that tradition, as the fish and the vegetable share a delicious dipping sauce based on one of Japan’s most commonly used ingredients, miso.  It is the perfect meal to make before a night out with friends, as it is nutritious and filling, yet light enough that the time spent digesting it won’t keep you off the dance floor! 

Seared Sesame Tuna

1 t. coriander seeds

½ t. crushed red pepper flakes

2 T. toasted sesame seeds

12 oz. fresh tuna, cut into three to four steaks

Sesame oil

In a spice grinder, coarsely grind the coriander seeds, red pepper flakes, and sesame seeds.  Pour into a thin layer on a plate.  Rub one side of each tuna steak with a drop or two of sesame oil.  Dip the oiled side of each steak into into the spice blend to coat, set aside.  Reserve any of the unused spice blend. 

Heat a large frying pan over high heat.  Depending on the size of your frying pan, this may have to be done in batches, as overcrowding will slow down the searing process.  Brush a few drops of sesame oil to coat the pan, then add the tuna steaks, uncoated side down.  Sear for two to three minutes, depending on how rare you prefer the tuna.  Now, using tongs, turn each tuna steak over and place the coated side down.  Cook this side for only 1-2 minutes.  Set aside to cool for a minute or two. 

Now, slice each tuna steak into strips approximately 1/4 – 1/3” wide and 2 inches long (as shown in photo).  Arrange them, overlapping, on each plate.  Sprinkle the strips with the remaining spice blend. 

Miso-Beer Dipping Sauce

2 T. white miso paste (also called “mellow miso”)

1 T. soy sauce

2 T. beer (use real beer – steer clear of using something cheap that comes in a can)

A few drops sesame oil

Combine the miso and soy sauce in a small microwaveable bowl.  Microwave for approximately 15 seconds, or long enough to heat the soy sauce without boiling it.  Once it is heated, stir it together using a fork or a very small whisk and break up any lumps.

Next, add 1 T. of the beer, continuing to whisk the sauce.  Now, add the remaining beer and the sesame oil, whisk again, and divide into small bowls.  Serve as a dipping sauce for the tuna and pumpkin. 

Ginger Steamed Pumpkin

3 cups diced raw pumpkin

1 T. fresh ginger, cut into slivers

Salt

Combine the pumpkin, ginger, and salt in a mixing bowl, toss a few times to blend.  In a pot with a tight-fitting lid, place the pumpkin/ginger mix in a steamer basket over about 1 cup of salted boiling water.  Place lid on pot and steam for approximately 10 minutes, or until pumpkin is cooked through, then serve with the Miso-Beer Dipping Sauce.

Around the World in Eighty Bites - Belgium

Before I get to the recipes, I have to let myself get a little emotional here. Up until a few days ago, I’ve been going through the shop, cook, write, post cycle without really knowing who was reading these stories and recipes. Sure, I could see my Facebook and Twitter followers, but I thought those two links were the extent of my reader base. I recently learned that Blogspot, my hosting site, tracks certain statistics. Maybe this is something I should have known, but my technical knowledge doesn’t reach beyond the kitchen - I’m no techie by any means; I don’t even own an iPod! Imagine my surprise when I found out I had readers in Brazil, Indonesia, Japan, and about 20 additional countries! I felt joy, I felt happiness, but most of all, I felt relief. It was the same feeling you get when you’re driving around, unsure where you’re going, and then you see a familiar street or landmark and know that you’re moving in the right direction, and you sigh with relief, knowing that you aren’t a million miles away from your destination.

Over the last few days, I’ve been pretty overwhelmed, and excited, about the fact that people around the world are reading Bacon, Butter & Booze! But I’m not a trophy collector, I’m a writer, and I’m a cook. As such, it is in my soul to use each one of those stats not as validation, but as inspiration. To pay tribute to my international audience, I am going to attempt to cook a dish from, or inspired by, each country that shows up on my stat tracker, and I‘m calling my project “Around the World in Eighty Bites.” Tonight, I begin with Belgium.


Belgium, a small European country bordering France, Germany, and the Netherlands, is known in culinary circles mainly for its beer, chocolate, and, of course, waffles. Tonight, I made a light one-pot meal based on chicken, potatoes, Belgian Endive, and Duvel, a pale ale rumored to be one of Belgium’s best!


Beer-Braised Chicken and Endive

1 T. butter
6-8 chicken thighs, with skin and bones
1 onion, minced
1 ½ lbs. red potatoes, diced
3 bay leaves
Several sprigs fresh thyme
½ t. freshly ground black pepper
1 bottle Duvel ale
1 pound Belgian endive, cut crosswise into inch-wide strips
Salt to taste

Melt the butter over high heat in a heavy-bottomed pot large enough to fit all the chicken comfortably. When butter starts to bubble, add the chicken on the thigh side. Cook for a minute or two, then turn the chicken pieces over, skin side down.

After the chicken has cooked for about two minutes, add the onion, potatoes, bay leaves, thyme, Duvel ale, and pepper. Do not stir. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to a simmer and cover the pot. Simmer for 20 minutes, shaking the pot occasionally without removing the lid.

Once the chicken and potatoes have simmered, remove the cover and add the endive and salt. Stir once, then cover and simmer for 2-3 more minutes.

Now, remove the cover and stir again once or twice. Take the chicken pieces out of the pot, remove skin, and portion into individual bowls. Spoon an equal amount of the endive and potato mixture into each bowl, including the broth. Serve, and be sure to drink some Duvel with this dish!